i am painfully aware of how i've been absent from my blog. i am sincerely sorry. i can mainly attribute it to the fact that my internet has been rather spotty, and also how i have been excruciatingly busy getting ready for this whole graduating nonsense. (as a note of emphasis on the internet issues, i'm writing this right now WITHOUT internet. i plan to post it later when our wifi is back up. rest assured, i've written about a dozen or so full blog posts that become irrelevant by the time i am able to post them. i even had a good one about the musical and all the shenanigans from that, but alas, that ended months ago.)
so here i am, waiting to graduate in two days. well, by the time this goes up on the internet, i'd lay money that i've already graduated. it's kind of got me thinking about my future, and what i really want in this life. there's nothing that makes you question the rest of your life like 90 billion people asking, "so, what are you going to be?" personally, i always wanted to become a psychologist. yeah, a shrink. not the kind that asks weird questions and prescribes tons of medications, but a counsellor. someone who genuinely helps people. i also want to be a missionary. and an artist. and a ukulele player. and a fluent french speaker, which is called a francophone. i want a lot of things. i generally just tell people about the psychologist bit.
so how do you feeeeeeel about that? :)
one of my great muses, Amanda Palmer, has recently been tweeting "eff plan B". in otherwords, pick what you want most, make that plan A, and go for it. don't worry so much about plan B that you miss out doing what you love. i really like that idea, but at the same time, it is absolutely petrifying to not have a backup plan. if i don't get a job after grad school, i might end up selling cheap art and playing my ukulele on the side of the road for money. but i'd rather go with trying to become a psychologist than pick a guaranteed career that i would hate. and furthermore, i might just end up selling my cheap art and playing uke on the street anyway, no matter what my job is. you know, for funsies.
i seriously wanted to give a speech at graduation this year. i didn't get picked, which was their loss, i guess.
no, they'd rather have the kid who ended up on truancy and has more absences than days present. but it's okay, i'm not upset. i just find incredible irony in it all. i go to a weird school.
correction, i WENT to a weird school.
in all seriousness, i've had a really great time in high school. i've survived, and even made it out with some really great stories. these great stories usually end up with me making a new friend and/or sustaining a minor injury.
one of my personal favorite memories comes from my freshman year, when i met Chance. we had world geography together, which was a joke of a class. most of us spent a better part of the period passing notes and counting the number of times Mr. Blackston used the word "um." he was absolutely terrible about assigning tons of these meaningless filler projects. after assigning yet another mind-numbing piece of research, chance went up to blackston and said the following--
"quite frankly, i'm tired, and bloated, and cramping, and i'm just not sure i'm emotionally ready for this!"
he didn't have to do the project.
AND he got an A for it.
my dear friend is a genius.
i'm ridiculously worrying about my college experience, if only for the fact that Chance won't be in it as often. people do not understand how he helps me function on a daily basis. in his words, it's his job to "keep tiffany's crap together." he's a pretty sufficient solution to many of my problems. without him, i would not know the date, the time, the day of the week, my assignments in french class, the best way to navigate myself to a point 2 miles from my house, how much a mcflurry with tax costs, or how to make coffee cookies. basically, i would cease to exist.
i love him ALOT.
(i did not make that grammatical mistake unknowingly. see this LINK (clickity click here!!) to see my reasoning. if you don't laugh, then you must have a serious issue and need to seek immediate medical attention.)
oh, i have the normal worries about missing my family, never sleeping, enormous classes, gas money, and so on. i just have a hard time knowing i must become… self-sufficient. *gasp!*
but, as with all things, life moves on. i heard this quote once, and i never can fully remember it verbatim, but it goes something like this: "happiness is perpetually transforming itself. it must be allowed to transfer itself, and one cannot mourn the change." basically, life is always good, even when it seems like it's not. happiness is always somewhere in life. it just never stays put. and if you mourn losing happiness in one area, you may miss it in another. so that's what i'm doing. i'm kind of in this carefree bubble right now, and my life seems a little more radiant every day. i'm kind of hoping it never ends. but if things don't turn out the way i expect, and they usually don't, then i'm going to pick myself up and look for joy elsewhere. it's been a tough lesson to learn, but i'm thankful for it.
take that, truant kid who gets to speak at graduation. you know who you are.
i can't believe that part of my life is really over. i have a mix of emotions about it, but mainly i'm just excited to be able to move on. i'm planning to reinvent myself this summer. step one -- new haircut.
i had a really great picture to accompany that. my scanner hasn't been hooked up yet. it will be put up eventually, though. basically, it's me riding a unicorn in my cap and gown, and i point, conquistador-esque, at the future.
Song of the Day: "Highway Unicorn" by Lady Gaga (this is kind of what i hear when i look at that picture.)
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