Go eat something nice. Like orange cream-sicles. You deserve it.

it never ceases to amaze me how nice some days can be just because of the people in them.

the sun is shining today.

i'm bringing my uke to church.

i spent all of yesterday being a really happy science nerd.

tomorrow is thursday, easily my favorite day of the week.

chex mix is still great.

happy wednesday, comrades.

all the love in my heart,
xxT

Song of The Day: "Here Comes the Sun" by The Beatles (you know you wanna listen to it. come on.)

how my hormones turned me into a highly introspective mushball.

Things I Need To Tell You About But Will Not Go Into Detail About, At Least Not In This Blog:
- i got a major scholarship that finished off paying for my school!
- i bought an incredible prom dress.
- i wore said dress to an incredibly awesome party, aka Military Ball
- my ukulele skills have skyrocketed. on sunny warm days, i play outdoor concerts. (mainly for myself, but i truly enjoy bystanders.)

days have been spent between my house and the school for rehearsal. I NEVER LEAVE.
i mean, i have. a little bit.
but it's been one heck of a week. or two. or five.

i can't really blame anyone but myself, so i don't complain too much. i chose to do the musical, take three ap courses, keep up a social life, learn to play ukulele, begin co-leading a small group at church, and try to constantly add commitments on top of my already crazy schedule.

i choose  to do everything i do. i must be a nutjob.

on a slightly unrelated (but will later be related) note, i'm starting to think that twitter is a more efficient way to keep up with people than actual face-to-face contact. in all seriousness, when i ask someone what's going on in their life, i get way less than a 140 character blip.

however, i'm not convinced its 100% better. i've had some pretty incredible encounters with people over the last couple weeks.

i was with my friend kirby downtown one night. we honestly just planned to walk around in the park, which is honestly not that big. we spent close to 5 hours there. i was happy to just walk and play my uke and not have anyone reminding me what i haven't done yet.

this is an exciting saturday night to me.

after a long time, we decided to just lie down on this outdoor stage and watch the stars.
this would have been an excellent idea if the stage wasn't covered in an unidentifyable grainy substance. so we sat on it instead.
it took about 7.5 minutes for two girls to run, and i mean RUN up to us and break the quiet of the moment.

girl in yellow sweatshirt: hey, what are you doing?

me: ahh umm we are--

girl: can we stargaze with you?

(i need a tattoo on my forehead that reads ALL DISTRACTIONS WELCOME.)

me: yes.

the other girl didn't really say too much. she just txted on her phone and ate twizzlers that i swear she made out of thin air.
girl in the yellow shirt's name was alexis*, i think. i'm not sure. but basically she started off the conversation by saying she didn't have a place to sleep that night.

yeah, it sounded pretty sketch to me, too.

so we asked her about her story, what brought her to this point.
she ended up telling us several unrelated stories before she got to why she was there. she told us about the floors in the school she went to (which was right down the road) and how they were incredibly thin. in her words -- "one time i dropped a pot of coffee on my friend's bed. not only did it go through the bed, but it leaked all the way through the floor, which was the ceiling of the room below us, and onto a girl's Mac."
she also told us about how she got kicked out of walmart, and that's why she subsequently got kicked out of school. she was staying with another friend, who accidentally locked them out of the apartment.
also, that she was from ohio. and apparently no one likes ohio.

all this extra information, and i still don't really know her name. i have the most selective memory ever.

then we decided to approach the unapprochable girl with twizzlers. her name was hope.
and when we asked her about her story, she blew my mind.

her story started out something like this --

when i was little, i lived in this neighborhood that didn't have a lot going on. we basically played hide-and-seek all the time. i was eight years old and maybe fifty pounds, so i would climb trees and fit into tight places, and basically defy gravity. i was never the seeker. if i was, i wasn't any good at it. i don't like going out to find people. i'd rather people search for me. which is ironic, i guess, because i'm so good at hiding.

 my mind is already whirring with the depth of that little bit of information. of course i see it all as a metaphor for her life, and my life too, and how it almost relates to everyone. in the .324 seconds it took me to process this, she was moving on.

this is a story of how i'm good at hiding.

oh man. here we go.

i went to the same school as alexis.* and there was this one girl with bright red hair that basically got on everyone's nerves. i mean, she was crazy. she was also notorious for partying. not the cool kind. like the kind that people aren't ever really okay afterwards. being let loose by her parents didn't do her any good at all. anyway, no one really knows why she got kicked out, but one day her mom was in the office, and she wasn't there anymore. i'm guessing she caught wind of what her daughter was up to. there's this big rule that if someone gets kicked out, they are pretty much banned from the property. this is a pretty big deal.

one day, she just shows up on campus. everyone knew she was there, or at least everyone was spreading the rumors. i went into one of my friend's rooms a few hours later, and there she was, with a few other girls. they had trashed this room. i mean, they threw some sort of party. there were bottles and pills and all sorts of crazy stuff there. i just shut the door and went downstairs. my friend josh was down there, so i told him what happened. i had seen her, so now i was involved. it kind of freaked me out. i didn't know what to do. josh told me to go back to my room and chill. i called my roommate and told her to lock the door, and not let anyone in. anyone. she said "oh, okay. but a girl from down the hall and some chick with red hair just came in. should i ask them to leave?" craaaaaaap.

at this point, i don't know what to do. i'm already involved, and no matter what i do, they're gonna think i'm a part of it. so the security guards start looking for her, and me too, since i didn't check into my floor. i decide i'm not going to get caught. when they came to the suites, i hid inside or behind their mini fridge. it was pretty nuts. they'd come in the room, i'd be in or behind the fridge, they'd move into the next room of the suite, and i'd run into the next suite's fridge while they were looking. i did this for three whole floors. this search went on till about 4 in the morning. the room they finally caught me in was actually full of people. when they grabbed me, and everyone did this, but i was the only one that got in trouble, i shouted, "Heil Hitler!" in retrospect, it was probably a dumb thing to do. they asked me why i did that later, and i went into a fully launched story about the history of WWII, and the night raids, and how it kind of felt like a night raid to me. i even went into the story of this guy dmitri schostakovich, and how he wrote music during WWII, and how a lot of schostakovich's music was incredibly angry. when my class had to rehearse playing it in orchestra, everyone left rehearsal and thought, "why is everyone so angry at me?" ...aaaaaand that's about the time that they kicked me out. and i guess i'm not so good at hiding after all.

i kind of sat there with my jaw open a little bit. out of the two hours we spent with these girls, she spoke about 20 minutes and made a bigger impression than alexis*.
it kind of got me thinking about people.

i had this incredible realization all over again that everyone i meet has a backstory, an added depth that we can't see. i make the argument frequently that we’re overstuffed with information. there’s just too much, period. but i'm starting to think that maybe we are so desensitized with information that we miss the incredibly human aspect of what we don't know.

so the next time i go to compose a tweet, i'm going to consider how many times i've genuinely gotten someone in conversation and appreciated their story.

have you ever thought about this?

i'm really curious.

and if you haven't thought about it... why not?

i'm going to get off of this soap box before my raging hormones get the better of me and i start crying again.

i love people. i love you.

xoxoxoxoxoxo
T

p.s. my friend kirby that i mentioned earlier is now producing music! more to come on that. he has a few songs out, but when his ep comes out, i'll let you know.

p.p.s. alexis* = i'm not sure that's really her name. not that she would have lied. i just can't remember.

Song of the Day:  "Someone Like You" by Adele

Censorship. Art.

for those of you who keep up with the news, you might have seen something about Lexington High School, alma mater of one of my favorite artists, Amanda Palmer. it kind of caught my attention.
essentially, what's going on in Lexington is a massive censorship issue. the students have the opportunity to direct their own play each year. this year, they were going to do Columbinus, an off-broadway dramatic representation of the Columbine shootings. the play mainly consists of interviews with witnesses, and it ends with a dramatization of the shooting. it revolves around the reasons that these kids felt the way they did, what drove their emotions, etc. it looks at the harsh reality of kids being alienated in their own school.

in other words, it's real life.

the actual article from boston.com said the following:

The playwright of “Columbinus,” a play about the Columbine massacre, says the recent decision by Lexington High School to cancel performances of the play will encourage people in the area to discuss the 1999 incident and the reasons behind it.

PJ Paparelli, the co-writer and original director of the play based on the 1999 shooting at Columbine High School near Littleton, Colo., said he does not think it is a wise decision to avoid conversations about the topic.
“It is always shocking to me when this type of thing happens,” Paparelli said.
Paparelli said the play has been performed by at least 100 high schools around the country, and that the only other time that he is aware of it ever being shut down before was several years ago at Boston Latin School.
Lexington High School Principal Natalie Cohen said she decided to cancel the play last month after Superintendent of Schools Paul Ash received a complaint about the language and content of the play. Cohen said she then read the entire script, and made a difficult decision to cancel it because of the harsh language and violence in the play.
Emma Feinberg, the 17-year-old student at the school who had been working for three months to cast and direct the play at the school, is now working with a teacher at Boston University’s School of Theatre to find a new venue for the play.
Paparelli said he is interested in speaking to Feinberg and helping her find a framework to discuss the content of the play with her audiences.
“I think the best think that can come out of this is conversation,” he said.
While some schools that have staged performances of “Columbinus” have embraced the topic and held discussions with students about the play, Paparelli said there have been other schools that are uncomfortable with the topic.
“All kinds of issues happen [in those schools] and if adults can’t figure out a way to healthily talk about it, it’s kind of a frightening thing to wonder where the students go to process it,” he said.

i'm having a hard time understanding this decision. why was it made after 3 months of hard work, casting, and preparation? if there was such an issue, why didn't someone mention it sooner?

i only had a true appreciation of this after seeing their play last year. they did "With The Needle That Sings In Her Heart," a play inspired by Neutral Milk Hotel's album In An Aeroplane Over The Sea. you can watch the whole play online here.
it was such an emotional, artistic, beautiful play. i'm not going to give too much away, but it's the story of Anne, a young girl who is in the holocaust. it's seen as through imagination, which is what helps her cope with the situation.

it's sad, yes. "the end of the world," as they call it.

but no one had a problem with it. i don't see why the explosive artistic and creative talent at that school is being stifled, especially after "Needle" was performed.
the girl who wrote "Columbinus" is moving to find another venue to perform the show. i applaud her for her perseverance.
these plays give students an opportunity to share their voice. we need to express ourselves. i think we have a lot to say. "playing it safe" only grows people so far.
a scary question is this -- what happens when we don't have a productive outlet to release ourselves?

it seems like art is dying in schools.

in fact, our state is trying to completely cut out art funding. and we only get $200,000 to begin with to cover the whole state's art programs.
it's pretty pathetic.

ART feeds people's souls.
ART will heal things that a math formula cannot touch.
ART is what fuels the great people in this world.
ART pushes the limits of our imaginations. it can make us uncomfortable, and sometimes that's okay.

don't let art die on us.

Song of the Day: "Sing" by the Dresden Dolls (watch the video here. please, watch it.)

day off? day off? we don't believe in those.

i have decided to write a blog instead of watching the super bowl. i'm just not a sports kid on any level, i guess.
as a matter of fact, i don't think anyone in my house is watching the super bowl at the moment. it's on the tv, just no one cares.
besides, as my friend chris says, "in the end, this game will probably come down to which team has the most points."

i finally got around to finishing that blasted closet. it devoured my entire saturday. i found more weird, awesome stuff, most of which i didn't even know existed.
New List Of Things Excavated From Wasteland
- those russian babushka dolls that stack inside each other (which, i might add, are legitimately from russia)
- a "lady and the tramp" poster from 1955 (i honestly had never seen it before)
- a guide to the original pokemon gameboy games

if you haven't checked out your closet in awhile, i highly suggest you do. there's no telling what's in there.

so my saturday was completely given up to that.i have had an incredible weekend, though. it's truly been a lot of fun.
friday night, despite being tired enough to pass out, i went to my friend wesley's house for a game night. not only was the food incredible, i love his family. we ended up playing bibleopoly, which is just like monopoly, but bible-themed and longer and even harder to win. we didn't finish, and all i could think of was dane cook saying, "its four o'clock in the morning, Grandma! YOU WIN!!"

oh, and my little sister went on a legitimate date. i had multiple people offer to help me spy on them. you know, wear fake mustaches and sunglasses into the movie theater and sit two rows behind them. my dad told us we needed to get a life.

on a totally unrelated note, i've discovered how my life is not about me on any level.
it's kind of something i always knew, but it's just now something that i've been putting into practice.
in the last week, i've taken up the habit of asking people "how are you?" and waiting for a more legitimate answer than "i'm fine." because if we're all honest, not many people are "fine."
i spent a good deal of time monitoring how much i listen vs. how much i talk. it kind of ended up looking like this.

i figured there was probably a problem with that.

so i have tried to be as open to people as i can be, and it's been absolutely amazing. you'd be surprised how much you can love people when you listen. it makes them real. it kind of reminds me that we are all human.

i don't know why i have a hard time remembering that sometimes.

we are two hours and thirty-three minutes away from monday. bring it.

wishing you all well, comrades.

xxT

P.S. i do sincerely apologize for my scatterbrain-ness in this blog. i feel like i'm all over the place these days.

Song of the Day: "Mahna Mahna" by the Muppets

oh my good golly gosh, Batman! what is THAT?

time is going faster than the speed of life. as cliché as it sounds, i swear its accurate.

my house was totally quiet when i walked in today. it took me a good five minutes or so to adjust.
anyone who's ever been in my house knows that its never quiet.
i honestly didnt say one word when i got in. no music, no noise, nothing. it was probably the first time all week that i didn't have any noise pollution.

yay.

so i fixed myself a bowl of ravioli and settled down to write this blog.

i had originally planned to write about how my life is consumed with obligations and such. i actually started with that topic. but i'm going to have to get back to that.

the reason my house was oh so incredibly peaceful was because my parents took my dog to the groomer this morning. he gets special treatment. i'm talking about more special than a needy, rich child gets.
anyway, they were out. my parents weren't home.

yes.
yes.
this is blissful.
naptime.
yes.
...what?

shortly after deciding that i enjoyed total silence, i hear a noise.
squeeeee.
yes, dear comrades. i was pretty much freaking out on the inside.
i typed a little bit more, and thought maybe it would go away. then i heard a lightswitch flick.

OH MUH GAGA SOMEONE IS IN THIS HOUSE I KNEW IT WAS TOO QUIET.

as it turns out, it was my mom. she did not go with dad this morning. she slept in. i really wish someone could have informed me. inner tiffany was kind of messed up.

so my blog took an unexpected turn. now, back to originally scheduled programming.
long story short, i start booking out my life two weeks in advance. it's getting pretty ridiculous. i get excited about having twenty minutes to myself.
its been brutal. i don't get enough sleep. i think i've sent my body into "panic mode" because of how little rest i get.
oh, and my closet still isn't clean.
but i'm really happy. really really happy.
i'm working hard. i'm learning ukulele. i'm creating friendships.
so, in lieu of having free time, i've actually met some pretty neat individuals.
there's a girl in my drama class named Logan, and our assignment is to become graffiti artists.
say what?
yes. we have to learn over the weekend to spray paint graffiti.
the higher drama classes are performing Midsummer Night's Dream, except it's set at a high school. in the 80's. our class is doing set construction.
i'm so excited about making graffiti, it's probably not healthy.

speaking of things that are not healthy, i've had the strangest desire for peanut butter today. please assume that by the time you finish reading this blog, i will have consumed a large amount of peanut butter.

have a grand day, comrades.

xxT


Song of the Day: "Swing Life Away" by Rise Against

Let's Start With The Closet.

so here we are, at my first blog post. welcome.

Oh My Gaga. i shoveled out yesterday. i shoveled out tonight. i will shovel out tomorrow. must i shovel endlessly?
the answer is yes.
but, dear friends, i shovel valiantly.
i've been on this incredibly daunting endeavor to clean out my closet. don't scoff. its a big deal. you haven't seen it. i have, at this moment, only cleaned out the top shelves. it's incredible how much useless junk ends up there.

i found my old nintendo, the original one with cartridges bigger than both my hands put together. my inner nerd pretty much died from excitement.

i also found many more useless items. just a brief summary of what i found--
-hundreds and hundreds of notes written to me (my favorite ended in the words "...and on an unrelated note, the girl behind me sounds like she's on helium. Seriously.")

-a long braided renaissance-y wig. i don't know where it came from, and my sister wanted to keep it. fate is unknown.
-my old softball clothes from when i was 8. (random side note -- while i was very good at softball and was on the team for several years, i actually liked to kick up dirt clouds more than i liked being competitive. i would spend my games doing that, and picking clovers off of the field. i'm not a sports kid.)
-playdoh. don't judge.
-a plethora of horrendous 90's clothes.
-scrapbooking stuff that i was really excited to get, but never excited to use.

i could keep going. it gets worse.
but you're probably wondering why i decided to make my first blog post about my closet.
and if you weren't wondering before, you should be now.
WELL, i'm glad you asked.

i have spent so much time inside of my closet that it started to make sense.
i nearly had a breakdown over the darn thing.
it wasn't really the closet. i've just been on the edge of irritability for several days running.
but the closet made things make sense, ya know?
it's like i store every emotion that i've ever had inside my fictional Closet. i've got stuff backed up for years in there. and, like my actual closet, it's gotten a bit out of hand. i never throw anything away. it's like i hold onto my stuff for the sake of holding onto it. i have, in a very weird way, just realized that my emotions are the same way. so i'm in the process of cleaning out my emotional Closet as well as my physical closet. i feel like it's a good place to start, getting rid of old things. i don't need them. (boy, i've been using that phrase a lot lately.)

i'm just glad that i am taking care of it now. if i waited too much longer, one closet or another was going to collapse. maybe both. who knows?

so maybe it makes more sense now why i started with my closet for my blog. i know i seem kinda crazy, but i'm really *just a few marbles short.* (insert cheezy smile here)

Song of the Day: "Bad Wine and Lemon Cake" by The Jane Austen Arguement